If you’ve ever had thoughts about spicing things up in the bedroom with unconventional sex acts, you’re not alone. Many people have a sexual kink, and some kinks are more popular than others. In a recent survey of adults in the US, it was found that edge play, or the act of delaying orgasm, was the sexual kink of highest interest in the majority of states. This was followed by virtual sex, BDSM (erotic practices that involve bondage, discipline, submission, and dominance), anal play, impact play (involves slapping, spanking, or flogging), group sex, and role play.
Exploring a sexual kink can create a stronger and more intimate bond with your partner since you can openly talk about sexual preferences without fear of being judged. Moreover, if it’s practiced safely, kinky sex can help you grow and become more confident. Here’s a guide to safely explore your sexual kinks and have more fun in bed.
Communicate With Your Partner
A survey shows that nearly half of all the participants are interested in kink, so it’s likely that just like you, your partner may be willing to try something new in the bedroom as well. Before having kinky sex though, make sure to talk to your partner to ensure that your explorations are safe and fun. Start by making separate lists of the things that you want to try out. Then, exchange lists so you can both agree on the things that you want to try, and put a hard veto on others. Doing so ensures that you’re both on board for, say, food play, but draw the line at anything that’s potentially dangerous, like breath play or exhibitionism.
You may also want to discuss the mechanics of certain kinks before getting started. For instance, if you’re both willing to try group sex, should you invite an acquaintance or a friend to participate in it, or would you rather have a stranger join you in bed? If it’s the latter, be safe and don’t just invite some random guy or girl that you meet at a bar. Instead, consider hiring a professional escort for the night. Go online and search for escorts near me to find exactly what you’re looking for. Escorts are discreet, and they’re used to having no-strings-attached sex. Inviting a friend may make things awkward later on, so an escort may be your best bet if group sex is a kink that you would like to explore mutually.
Have a Safeword
Part of your sexual fantasies may involve resistance, pain, or restraints, which are all elements of BDSM. This type of sexual kink has become highly common among consenting adults, as a recent survey reveals that one-third of couples incorporate BDSM into their lovemaking. While some may view it as a rough or painful kink, experts say that it encourages new closeness and intimacy since engaging in BDSM means putting a lot of trust in your partner.
That being said, make sure that both of you know when to tell each other to stop or take it easy. Having a safeword is essential, so agree on one before getting kinky. You can also use the traffic light system to keep things fun yet safe in the bedroom. To use it, check in with your partner while having sex and ask them what’s their color. If they’re green, that means you can keep going. Yellow means to ease up or take a break, while red means to stop what you’re doing altogether.
Don’t Forget Aftercare
After engaging in kinky sex, some people may experience feelings of anxiety, depression, or sadness, especially after having sex that involves roleplay or BDSM. This is known as postcoital dysphoria, or the post-sex blues, and it’s quite common, even among people who have non-kinky sex. Research on what causes PCD is limited, but aftercare may help to reduce negative feelings after sex. Certified surrogate partner therapist James Humecky suggests that some soothing activities, such as taking a bath together, cuddling, or having your partner bring you your favorite food can help to manage PCD.
Having kinky sex is a great way to enrich your relationship with your partner. Remember to discuss things thoroughly before trying any sexual kink, make sure that both parties give full consent, and do some aftercare to make the most of your intimate time together.